On having a chronic cough (2: the kindness, or not, of strangers)

I have already noted the anxiety which a cough produces among its witnesses. There is the often - well, mostly - unspoken thought that anyone with a cough is infectious and unthinkingly about to share the germs with everybody else. This really stems from lack of knowledge of chronic conditions and some of their unattractive symptoms. Everyone has had a cough at some point, and unless you are among the unlucky ones with one of those horrible (but NOT contagious) diseases your cough progressed through some disgusting stages and then got better. Therefore, you know all there is to be known about coughs.

People's kindness can be nearly as stressful as the hostility. I have lost count of the cough sweets pressed on me and the glasses of water thrust into my hand, "to soothe your throat". It would be in vain to explain that I haven't got a sore throat. Cough = sore throat, doesn't it? So I usually thank people nicely, but then I feel as if I'm under obligation to stop coughing, which can be difficult to do (without going into too much detail, a coughing fit means my airways need to be cleared, a process which is delayed but not improved by stopping to scoff cough sweets). People mean well, I know, but the end result is that I am hesitant to go anywhere.

The other thing I really can't do is talk much, or at all, from the start of a coughing fit until after the, er, "clearing of the airways". Trying to talk makes the effort worse and delays the process. I do understand that people are trying to check whether I am choking, but I am more likely to do so if I start talking at the operative moment, so better to wait with your questions until the moment passes.

Here is a gentle suggestion of what might constitute a list of Top Things Not To Say To A Complete Stranger With A Cough:

-   That's a nasty cough you've got.

-   Have you seen a doctor about that cough?

-   You should take [X] for that cough [or any other unsolicited advice].

-   Have you seen the posters about how if you've had a cough for more than three weeks it means you've got lung cancer? [this one only comes once you've got far enough into the cough discussion to have established that it's not the sort which comes, is cured, and goes away. Anyway, suppose the cougher does have lung cancer? Are you actually prepared for that answer, before you jump in?]

-   You ought to be in bed.

And finally, but most of all, please don't recite this jolly little rhyme, as several people have done to me. It's not that I lack a sense of humour, but - really? Tactless, or what?

-   It's not the coughing that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you off in.